A Change of Heart
I never liked kids.
I never wanted to have children.
As a matter of fact, I remember doing pre-marital counseling. One thing me and my then soon-to-be husband were asked to consider was if we were on the same page regarding children. We both agreed that we were, and we confirmed that we didn’t want any. Maybe 1, but that was doubtful.
God is the God who changes hearts.
And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26
We now have 4 kids and we both mourn the decision to take permanent steps to keep it at 4.
When I was in college, my friend and I went to the state fair. A small child started following me. He was only watching the legs at his eye level and so he thought he was following his mother. I knew that when he looked up, he was going to freak out and my thought process was something like, “He’s going to scream; people are going to look; people are going to think I am trying to kidnap this kid!” Rather than try to find the mother or dismantle the kid-bomb I knew was about to explode, I stopped moving, threw my hands in the air, and started assuring everyone that I wasn’t trying to steal the kid. “He’s not mine!” Everyone, including the kid, looked at me like I was crazy. Luckily, my friend was more nurturing. She calmly laughed and talked to the young lad and quickly found his mother. She had been following right behind him, waiting for him to notice that he had mindlessly followed a crazy stranger.
Around the same time, I was actually watching a friend’s toddler during the day. I wanted to help her out, but I really didn’t like the whole kid-watching gig. One day I was complaining to my sister over the phone about it, trying to come up with a way to get out of my commitment. Her recommendation was that I pray and ask God to change my heart. I was so furious at this answer! I didn’t want my heart to change; I wanted my circumstance to change! I was so angry that I hung up on her. I’m pretty sure this was a phone you could slam down to hang up; at least, that’s how I remember it!
But now here I am - a church preschool minister with a passion for godly, fruitful families.
God is the God who changes hearts.
Let his mind be changed from a man's, and let a beast's mind be given to him; and let seven periods of time pass over him. Daniel 4:16
I don’t know why, but God changed my heart. I say that I don’t know why because I never asked Him to. But every day I am so unbelievably grateful because whatever His plan is has something to do with me or my kids - because He changed my heart against my own stubborn will!
Who am I that I should benefit from His plan? I am chief of the sinners and least of the saints. I look around and I see that He isn’t doing that for everyone.
Who am I?
He has given so many others over to their lust and desires, but He changed my heart.
And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring, so that you will love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live. Deuteronomy 30:6
I love my God and I will seek His will and serve Him with very little regard for man’s wisdom because I know that man’s ways lead to destruction, and I know that He pulled me off that path without my asking. I see the goodness of God’s ways and I see the folly of my own.
I can’t change anyone’s heart and hearing what I have to say from time to time might make you want to slam a phone in my ear to shut me up, but I pray that God does change your heart and that you too will get to taste and see that the Lord – and His ways – are good!