Truth and Love
We have a tendency in modern Christian culture to put truth and love on opposite sides of a pendulum. If we swing over to the truth side, then we tend to feel we are somehow being unloving. If we go over to the love side, then we feel we aren’t able to tell people the truth.
The truth can often seem to be offensive, and offensive typically means unloving, right? So the thinking here is that if we are to tell someone the truth, we must limit it in a way as to not offend them. In this way, love actually functions as a muzzle to truth.
Is this right? Play this out in your head for a minute: you don’t want someone to get upset so you don’t say anything that upsets them. How far does that get you with your children? It certainly shouldn’t be your aim to upset your children, but any parent knows that trying to raise a child without ever upsetting them absolutely spoils their character.
Now apply this same logic with believers, whether children growing in faithful homes or adult believers growing in Christ. If we hold back the truth because we fear hurt feelings, then we will stunt their spiritual growth and inevitably spoil their Christian character.
I wish I could hand you a glass of spoiled milk right now. Imagine taking a huge gulp of spoiled milk. I feel like it’s worth the mental picture because the physical response we have over drinking spoiled milk should pale in comparison to our own distaste of spoiled believers. The standard in discipleship should be much higher. We should desire the truth, even when the truth makes us uncomfortable. We are most loved by those who will tell us the truth.
And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Ephesians 4:11–16)
Paul says to speak truth in love. Truth and love should never fall opposite of each other. If they did, that would put love on the same side of the pendulum as lies, and truth over there with hate.
If we are holding back on the truth of God’s Word, we cannot say that it is because of love. It isn’t love to want someone’s spiritual growth stunted. It shows neither love for God nor love for the person. Preachers must preach God’s Word, parents must teach it, and friends must share it. We must not think that pointing out wrong beliefs or false teachers is unloving. Surely we should desire the truth for ourselves and for others - for the spiritual growth of the whole church and the benefit of generations to come. We will indeed stunt our growth if we forsake a truth hard to hear for comfort.
Love should not be the inhibitor of truth, but the motivation for telling the truth.
Think of truth as a ship, taking you closer and closer to God. Love, then, is the fuel that makes the vessel go. Love is fuel - not brakes - there are no brakes on a boat! Without the motivation of love, you speak less truth. You won’t go very far and, as Paul says, we become tossed to and fro by false doctrines, human cunning, and deceitful schemes. If a preacher in a church is holding back on the Word of God, he should expect his congregation to follow any charismatic leader or new philosophy and they’ll never know the difference.
Likewise, parents must teach their children all of God’s Word. Discuss it, apply it, and correct them as they grow. They are on this vessel with you for now, but it is your goal to get them to steer their own vessel. No loving parent wants a shipwrecked child. In love, teach them the truth. Teach them how to love their own children by speaking truth, never separating truth and love.